When Thai time goes wrong

So at 6pm mid way through a foot spa and pedicure the school rings me to say the songthaew driver did not pick Tom and Claire up from school and the gardner will hang with them until I get there. (Yes this is 3 hours late) I ring the driver and the babysitter with a WTF, and dash like a demon to get them on the motorbike at peak hour, with one foot of toe nails red the other well not so red.

At school they are running amok, think its super cool they get to come home on the motor bike and no amount of cajoling them can persuade them to go to the babysitters for dinner so I can return to my already planned night out.

At the same time, Tom pisses his pants whilst sitting on the front of the motorbike and you know what spray is like for those of us sitting behind eg me and Claire.

So we get home and change Tom, I ring my brother to cancel dinner, we head downstairs to have a streetside fried rice and Mum an overdue consoling beer, when my friends who I had invited at last minute say they are on their way to the "real" restaurant.

FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!

Tom by this stage had eaten his dinner, been picked up by a bar girl and moved next door to the Karaoke bar and asked them to take a beer out to Mum as their beer is much colder and far more delicious than the warm crap the restaurant serve from a quasi esky (well maybe he didn't say that but he did bring me an icy cold one)

Mum is still out on the road side stall losing patience with Claire who is picking at her food, and relieved to receive a beer. So in a moment of complete need she asks the karaoke bar if they can babysit the kids.

Claire chucks a whammy, Tom thinks its can of piss as he has the mic and full control of an almost empty bar.

Claire and I race home, jump back on the motorbike and head to dinner to meet Dad, brother and new friends.

20 minutes later, new friends call to say, we're at the pig restaurant and can't see us anywhere. They'd gone to a completely different restaurant. Oooops.

On return to get Tom I am persuaded to sing to a Thai bunch from a meagre selection of English songs and am not yet drunk enough to be witty or charming, so they whip out a ball of play dough, Tom knocks out Old Macdonald, Claire the Thai national anthem and me, well I'm chatting with the bar girls enjoying a cold beer

So, if I could have planned a lazy evening at home with a PG movie, dinner, bath and bed I would have, but things spiralled out of control and I've just done story time at 9.50. Please oh please someone of higher being make them sleep in tomorrow morning.